BioWare! Stahp!


I’m a far cry from reddit, but the above image is relevant to my interests.

So the past little while I’ve been indulging in Mass Effect 3’s multiplayer and having a fabulous time. It’s been wonderful to come back and see all the new content added since the last time I played.

And then, a few days into my blissful rediscovery, this is posted:

Nice to see you again. We’ve been doing awesome lately, so we’re shutting down. Sucks to be you!

Mother—(assorted cursing here.) Damn it! I just got back! I was even promoting all my guys because I’d read that the next weekend operation would be promotion based. Why do you do this to me, BioWare? Do you think it’s fun? This isn’t teasing! It’s agony. Please stop. Please.

The game isn’t gone. It’s still there and has its nice little achievements checklists to keep me playing for another hojillion hours. But they really couldn’t leave one guy posting the weekend events and rewards before he leaves work on Monday?

BioWare… You started so well, but it’s starting to like you hooked me back then solely to increase the sadistic delight you would find later. Schadenfreude’s simply not cool from someone I pay regularly.

You may remember this unnecessarily epic post in which I implied I would do a similar one comparing the storylines of the three Mass Effects. I’m not going to do that today, or possibly ever, or at least not all at once, because the rant gets long. Very long.

But here’s the thing. I actually liked the first Mass Effect. It took me a while to warm up to it, but by the end I was Shepard’s biggest fan. It might have helped that my Shepard looked like Neil Patrick Harris if he’d broken his nose in high school football. Not that I’ve ever considered sending Valentines to NPH, but I would like to give him a big hug for being awesome, and thus with my Shepard.

Usually, I have a hate-on for first person shooters. I like science fiction even less. I probably mentioned that before, too. But there have been the occasional corrupting exceptions where the futuretech was far less important than character interaction, philosophy, history, and politics—namely Deep Space Nine and Mass Effect.

Once Shepard touched that first Prothean beacon, I needed to know the rest. I was hooked. Good job, BW. Mass Effect 2 took all those things I listed in the previous paragraph and presented them dipped in gold and encrusted with rubies on a glittering silver platter.

grumpycatskyMass Effect 3 took all of those things and crushed them into dust. (I’ve already admitted the gameplay was good, so don’t hassle me.) Multiplayer was the redeeming feature, the only reason I ever booted up the game once I’d scoured the storyline for hints of the old Mass Effect glory and found none.

And now they’ve packed that up and are going home. The worst thing is, I’ll probably end up giving them more money in the future anyway, out of desperate hope they’ll remember who they used to be. Sigh. Many more rants forthcoming, I’m sure.


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